May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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