You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
