covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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