Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
