hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
