She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
