stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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