playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
