I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
