Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
