so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
