we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
