Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
