did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
