So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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