When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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