i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
