Sponge bath it is.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
