Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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