I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
