the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
