what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
