Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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