Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
