my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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