Where is the hickey?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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