I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
