Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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