Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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