Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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