He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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