In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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