Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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