I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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