Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
