i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
