Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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