I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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