Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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