Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
