If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
