Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
