I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I need to sanitize my soul.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
