He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
