If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
