quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
