4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
