ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
