so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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