So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
